The time is 5.30am and yet i couldn't sleep! SHIT~! Meeting all my friends later for Sentosa and i need my beauty sleep!!! Arg. But so much thoughts flooded my pathetic mind. I can't get any peace.
Bloody hell. I seriously think i'm whining like a stupid bitch. I don't know why i kept blogging about all these shits. All the previous useless posts. Crying out my woes here to let the whole world read. What do i gain? Self-pity? Consolation?
Sometimes i wished he could read this. So he'll know how i feel. Sometimes i'm so afraid he'll read it. And he'll think i'm seriously crazy and petty. I didn't mention his name. So doubt he'll know. Cos i know none of my friends will tell him 'bout it. Dear, If i didn't plan the whole day trying to think what should I do to surprise u, I wouldn't have felt this way. If i didn't get so worried while waiting, thinking that maybe u met an accident, I wouldn't react the way i'm doing now. If i didn't felt like i was about to break down and cry when i said, "Do you know i like you very much and you've disappointed me this way?" I wouldn't feel like i've let my pride down by saying this. Most of all, if i didn't care 'bout u, I wouldn't feel the way i'm feeling now. You said you like me too. But how much? How i wish i have something to measure, and i'll know. I thought i wouldn't take u seriously. And i really thought i didn't. But after that day, I realised i couldn't take 'matters-of-the-hearts' lightly. I'm just not the type.
I think i've never blog consecutively about someone. I said i wouldn't talk about u anymore. But i didn't do what i said. Shit. I'm not a computer. Neither can I select to restart my feelings nor delete the memories. I wish i could.
Can someone answer me?! Tell me why am i doing this? Will you do it if it's you? Tell me what am i feeling? What would you do if it's you? I'm always so confused. I really don't know what to do. * * * * *
