Well... Now is 5am, yet i couldn't sleep... I think i really have problem with my body clock. Hate it when it happens.
Not as if i don't have enough time to sleep.. It's just that i COULDN'T. Not that i DOESN'T want. Damn...
Maybe there's some problems I'm facing. Yet, i don't know how to solve them. And it's kinda making my insomnia problem worse. And it happens when i have problems that i don't know what to do about. And i keep brooding over.
It's like a dead-knot. Either i totally give up by cutting the string, or try my best and take out hell lots of time to 'fix' it. Which i doubt i have time for that.
Dictionary definition for FRIEND:
A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.
One who supports, sympathizes with, or patronizes a group
Well.... What's the real meaning of it? Are we having friends because of the need of socialisation? Izzit really a NEED?
I think so.
Sometimes i think i've overestimated myself. How dumb. I thought maybe if i could treat someone really close. It would be like a reciprocal kind of stuff. Nope. It's not. I've learnt it through experiences and have accepted it. (OR have i really accepted it?)
Even if you give your best. It's just not appreciated. Or worse. The person just threw it back on your face. (Not literally.)
Well. Sometimes having a conflict with someone else is inevitable. When you are with someone else, frictions are bound to happen.. i mean, com'on... we're humans.
We can't agree on everything. We want the best for ourselves if we can. If not, why bother to look nice? Why bother to live in the first place. Might as well just die. (K. Being quite sadistic here. Sorry.)
However, we also care for ppl around us. If not, why can we even cry when watching TV or movies? When the ppl acting, don't even know who the hell are we.
We all have different perceptions to things. (Damn. Think the OB subject is getting stuck to my brains...)
What you may think it's right, other's may think it's wrong. BUT. Maybe there's no right or wrong in any situations.
Maybe i'm not close to the ppl i thought i am. Maybe i've rated them too highly, when they are not suppose to be. And i force myself to treat them the way i rated them. And if things goes bad, i will feel sad.
Or maybe i feel obliged to do something that i don't want to do? Or maybe things are not used to be the way they are. Yet, i chose to think that things remain the same? Or so i thought.
Maybe maybe maybe.
OR Maybe IT IS my fault la k. My fault that i couldn't let others see what i think, feel or do? Maybe i didn't put my message across well?
Ppl often contradict la huh? Or contradict others?
OR MAYBE IT IS JUST MY BLOODY FAULT THAT I AM A BAD PERSON HUH. SELFISH. PETTY. UGLY. STUPID. WHATEVER.
DAMN IT. Sometimes i really don't know what i'm talking you know. Millions of thoughts just run through those brains of mine, and i don't know what to say first. So most of the time, it came out randomly, and it seemed as though i'm not talking 'bout the same topic. And i gotta stop myself, and 're-piece' my thoughts then put it across slowly.
SO. . . . (Trying to think what i wanna say.)
Fine. I give up. I'll come back to it when i know.
#@&*^!!@#$%^@#$%^&@#$%^ (Whatever vulgarity you know.) * * * * *
